Knights of the Round Table

What Men are really thinking during the national anthem

2008-06-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

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End Breedism!

2008-02-18T01:27:00.001-06:00

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If you don't watch this you're supporting terrorism

2008-02-18T01:10:00.002-06:00

Best part is the last like 20 seconds.

via videosift.com

Driver has BAC of .6, and is still alive!

2008-02-18T01:04:00.001-06:00

clipped from www.news24.com

Sarajevo - A Bosnian driver was so drunk that he should have been dead when arrested with a blood-alcohol level 20 times the legal limit, said police on Thursday.

Police officer Damir Cutura said: "I was shocked with the alcohol test results. Most people would slip into a deep coma and die with a concentration of 0.4%."

After being warned by other drivers on Tuesday of a car zigzagging across lanes, police drove out and arrested Branko Milicevic near the southern town of Citluk.

Police were shocked to see test results showing the man's blood-alcohol level was 0.6%. The legal limit in Bosnia is 0.03%.

"I asked that the alcohol breath-testing device be checked, only to discover that it worked properly," said Cutura.

The driver has been released pending trial.

A must watch: Jon Stewart on Romney's speech

2008-02-11T00:07:00.000-06:00

via videosift.com

Awesome cover of "Hit me baby one more time"

2008-01-27T14:12:00.001-06:00

It's not funny, but I definitely like it way more than the original!

Getting the scoop on the death of Heath Ledger

2008-01-23T02:09:00.001-06:00

I hope this blog post is not the way anyone has to find out this news, but in case you didn't hear, yesterday at about 2:30pm 28-year-old actor Heath Ledger was found dead in his New York apartment. It's incredibly sad and shocking on so many levels. Anyway, if you're anything like me you want to know as many details as you can.

So here's some links you should check out:
The last known pictures taken of Heath Ledger alive

Video of Heath Ledger's body being removed from the apartment

Superintendent speaks about how Heath Ledger's body was found

What Heath Ledger's family has to say

Heath Ledger's antidepressants, ambien and the Mary-Kate Olson connection

Another video of the body being taken out

Photos of body being removed

TMZ video summary of Heath's death

Everyone's a little bit racist (not the song)

2008-01-13T11:22:00.000-06:00

Hilarious award-winning short...

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The imaginary friends help group

2008-01-13T11:07:00.000-06:00

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Lewis Black takes on Religion (hilarious!)

2008-01-07T11:54:00.000-06:00

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What happens when you mix alcoholic beverages

2008-01-07T11:19:00.001-06:00

From hilarious comedian Jim Brewer. A good lesson for all us drinkers.
The ending is for Bill and Abby...

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A huge problem with Disney movies

2008-01-07T11:06:00.000-06:00

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The amazingly true story of Christopher Cringle

2007-12-28T19:18:00.001-06:00

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The best movie you haven't heard about yet

2007-12-28T12:02:00.000-06:00

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2007-12-25T02:58:00.000-06:00

Twas the Dark Night Before Christmas

2007-12-24T22:45:00.000-06:00

The must see movie of 2008

2007-12-19T11:15:00.000-06:00

via videosift.com

Heath Ledger looks ten times more amazing than I could ever have imagined him being. He doesn't remotely sound or look like Heath Ledger!

Seriously is there any role this guy can't do?! Remember this was the gay cowboy from Brokeback Mountain and now he is making the Joker so real it's freakin' creepy!

Review: Live Free or Die Hard (Die Hard 4)

2007-12-17T01:44:00.000-06:00

First, if you've never seen any of the first three 'Die Hard' movies it's okay. You'll miss out on maybe .02 of the subtle humor in this movie, and it is no way relevant to the plot line.

Remembers there are only three things you need to know about any Die-Hard movie:
1) 'Yippie-Kae-A (dramatic pause) Motherfucker'. Bruce Willis will always say it right before he kills the main bad guy.

2) Bruce Willis Fights Terrorist

3) Women in Bruce Willis' immediate family begins movie with last name Genero and disowning Bruce, by end of movie loves Bruce Willis and takes on the last name of his character (McLain).

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, here's the movie.

Basically a bunch of people were sitting around a table talking about making a Die Hard movie where a helicopter explodes by launching a car into it. They then built a plot around that single action sequence.

It is certainly a movie that is singlehandedly filled with the most unbelievable (like literally not in any way believable) action sequences, one cannot help but roll their eyes in disbelief.

John McLain (aka Bruce Willis) single-handedly destroys and/or explodes:
1) Some ordinary car
2) A cop Car
3) A cop SUV
4) A helicopter
5) A Buick
6) A semi-trailer
7) A fictional super advanced Air Force Jet

Wouldn't have shocked me to see him stop a Panzer in it's tracks with his pinky.

The dialogue was at times nothing more than a joke, some of the secondary and thirdary character's acting actually made me want to cry and while the plot line is fresh (ish) ... it's still Bruce Willis fighting a bunch of terrorists single-handedly.

Having said that, go rent this movie. Hell go buy it.

The sequence where Bruce Willis ramps a cop car up into a helicopter is worth the rental fee alone. It's hilarious, pumped full of testosterone and defies the laws of physics every two minutes...but in a good way.

Plus Kevin Smith has a great role, there's more than one smokin' babe and the banter between himself as well as with his side-kick, makes the presence of John McLain comforting. While his character is in no way new, I never tired of him.

Plus he ramps a car off a toll booth into a helicopter. Oh and the helicopter pilot survived!

Remember, shattered bones are for wussies.

My only real beef is that the classic line (see above) doesn't include the dramatic pause. Although Bruce Willis does shoot through himself to kill the bad guy ... so I suppose I can let that one slide (this once!).

So go watch it. Go laugh, both with it and at it.

And if you don't walk away with some satisfaction, go watch the car being ramped up into the helicopter again.

And if that don't work, I'll just have to beat the piss out of you...John Mclain style baby!

Yippie-Kae-A Motherfucker...

Who could think this was even remotely good idea

2007-12-14T01:52:00.000-06:00

So apparently two college kids dressed up as Virginia TECH victims for a halloween party....his reason behind it was that some kids the previous year dressed up as some previous tragedy's victims so why not.....he blames the people who put this out on the internet as the real people who should apologize to the victims familys...and the host is having a field day with this.....hes like WTF....have some balls and own up to your actions

Solo: The Movie (a Star Wars Parody)

2007-12-13T16:06:00.000-06:00

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David Spade's Blackberry intervention

2007-12-13T15:58:00.001-06:00

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Best wheelbarrow switch of all-time

2007-12-11T10:29:00.000-06:00

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Ironic

2007-12-11T10:10:00.001-06:00

This is bullshit. In order to determine if this clam is the oldest known living organism they kill it. Ironic...and really kind of sick...well Mr. Clam we have determined you were the oldest living organism, after we killed you to determine the fact....why couldn't we just wait to see how old it was, after it died of natural cuases?..We couldve waited another 50 years or so...it was way past its due, it wouldve croaked eventually

One of the funniest videos I've watched in a long time

2007-12-10T08:49:00.000-06:00

via videosift.com

I poop rainbows

2007-12-05T21:50:00.000-06:00

moar funny pictures

TOO HILARIOUS TOO MISS

2007-12-03T14:42:00.001-06:00

The top ten pages viewed on Wikipedia and Conservapedia.

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Karl Rove Blames Congress for Iraq War Resolution

2007-12-03T14:21:00.001-06:00

I love Keith O!!

Wait for his comment about the "Rogue Website" ... it's worth it.

Man's Best Friend (and it ain't women!)...very touching

2007-12-03T09:01:00.000-06:00

I'm pretty sure my dog Bailey would do the exact same thing for my Dad. No one else, just my Dad. Haha...

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Jon Stewart Stand-up Circa 1996

2007-12-03T08:49:00.000-06:00

1. As someone else said, insert the show LOST for Melrose Place and it's like nothing has changed.
2. Watch all the way through. It's all gold. Especially that last five seconds!

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Happy Friday!

2007-11-30T01:10:00.000-06:00

Happy Friday!

Halo 3: Homophobia Evolved

2007-11-28T09:42:00.000-06:00

This is worth watching. No matter how someone feels about homosexuality it's awful that someone would NOT play a silly video game with someone that merely has a gamer tag implying homosexuality (it could be a joke for all they know) and who isn't even in their own home, but rather a million miles away ...

It's ten times worse that anyone would say these things to that person when choosing NOT to play with them.

Just watch.

via videosift.com

US general thanks Iran for stopping bloodshed

2007-11-26T11:47:00.001-06:00

Apparently Iran isn't as bad as Bush and company want us to think...

clipped from news.yahoo.com

BAGHDAD (AFP) -
A US general on Wednesday acknowledged Iran's role in helping quell the bloodshed in Iraq, saying Tehran had contributed to stopping the flow of arms across the border into the country.

Lieutenant General James Dubik, who is in charge of training Iraqi security forces, said Tehran was keeping to its pledge of stopping the smuggling of weapons to Iraqi extremists.

"We are all thankfull for the commitment Iran has made to reduce the flow in weapons, explosives and training (of extremists) in Iraq," Dubik told reporters in Baghdad's Green Zone.

"As a result of that, it has made some contribution to the reduction of violence" in Iraq, he said.

US commanders claim violence in Iraq has dropped by 55 percent since the military's surge became fully operational in June.

Another terrible idea from the Pope

2007-11-26T11:44:00.001-06:00

This is why I have issues with the idea that anything the Pope says as being infallible ... because he makes such poor decisions like this. Well that and he looks like the devil...

clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk

The Pope is considering a dramatic overhaul of the Vatican in order to force a return to traditional sacred music.

After reintroducing the Latin Tridentine Mass, the Pope wants to widen the use of Gregorian chant and baroque sacred music.

In an address to the bishops and priests of St Peter's Basilica, he said that there needed to be "continuity with tradition" in their prayers and music.

He referred pointedly to "the time of St Gregory the Great", the pope who gave his name to Gregorian chant.

Gregorian chant has been reinstituted as the primary form of singing by the new choir director of St Peter's, Father Pierre Paul.

He has also broken with the tradition set up by John Paul II of having a rotating choir, drawn from churches all over the world, to sing Mass in St Peter's.

Best LOTR scene of all time

2007-11-25T10:06:00.001-06:00

My favorite scene from Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. It's in the extended DVD collection.

Enjoy!

How to Survive an Alien Attack

2007-11-25T10:03:00.000-06:00

How Lord of the Rings should have ended

2007-11-25T10:00:00.000-06:00

If George Lucas did Lord of the Rings

2007-11-25T09:50:00.000-06:00

Well worth the 8 minutes of your time!

Especially wait for the "locations" part...trust me!

Best first Dance at a wedding ever ...

2007-11-20T20:44:00.000-06:00

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The Office Recut as a Thriller

2007-11-18T12:36:00.001-06:00

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Elect the Jedi Knight

2007-11-12T10:28:00.001-06:00

This is awesome.

Then it's stupid.

However it's the very last thing said that sells me to vote for this guy.

via videosift.com

Kevin Smith Discusses Writing "Heroes: Origins"

2007-11-09T14:42:00.001-06:00

Greatest ending the history of Division III

2007-11-06T17:18:00.000-06:00

Kevin Smith pitches the best Jesus movie ever

2007-11-05T17:45:00.000-06:00

The most hilarious spiel about Jesus ever!

Friday Night Football Play of the Night

2007-11-05T11:17:00.000-06:00

Kevin Smith Will Make your day: Round 1

2007-11-04T10:21:00.000-06:00

Kevin Smith is easily one of the most hilarious people I have ever heard speak. Thus I bring you as much Kevin Smith hilarity as I can find.

Kevin Smith Round I: Talking about Writing a Superman Script

Transform your Monday!

2007-10-22T10:29:00.000-05:00

Mondays can be rough. Thus I bring you some Transformer goodness to get you through your day!

Something all my male friends and I need to study

2007-10-18T22:29:00.000-05:00

VideoJug: Dance Moves: An Emergency Guide For Men

Ninjas and the Matrix

2007-10-10T01:11:00.000-05:00

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A little PR Plug

2007-10-01T08:20:00.001-05:00

So, the cat is out of the bag. And a new blog has been born. For a few months now, The Office (Blog) has been developing, and is up and off to a running start. The awesome and dashing authors of said blog would love for all of the residents of our great kingdom to check out our newest neighboring kingdom. I think you'll find that you're pretty familiar with the authors, and will have quite a bit of inside information that could be used at an opportune moment in the future.

Please enjoy, and check out The Office (Blog).

News from the Motherland

2007-09-27T16:55:00.001-05:00

There are two questions for me at this one point: One how big is the mother and father? And two, HOLY CRAP SHE ALREADY DELIVERED 11 OTHER BABIES!!!!

clipped from cnews.canoe.ca

Siberian woman delivers 17-pound baby

MOSCOW - A small Russian city just got a really big addition: a 17-pound, one ounce baby whose mother had already delivered 11 other children.

An average weight for newborn babies is around 7 pounds, one ounce, according to international statistics.

Harry Potter in the Hood

2007-09-19T08:57:00.000-05:00

Harry Potter busts a rhyme!

Halo Nights

2007-09-19T08:49:00.000-05:00

This is what would have happened had a boy band ever made a song about Halo.

Can't Stop Lauging about this!

2007-09-07T13:44:00.000-05:00

http://www.pantagraph.com/articles/2007/09/07/wtf/doc46e07a363b65a523035337.txt

Clipped from 2 Write hands

2007-07-30T11:04:00.000-05:00

I regularly read this blog called 2 write hands. The author is excellent at her writing and is very entertaining. It's as much fun as reading first summer Normal Life stuff. I highly recommend especially checking out her most recent post which can be accessed by clicking on the title of this post.

If you want to check out her blog go to www.2writehands.blogspot.com.

So I bet this was unexpected

2007-07-15T22:02:00.000-05:00

OUCH!!! I sure hope this was done with Photoshop.

Ocean's 11 Year olds

2007-06-29T10:47:00.000-05:00

Don't let the title throw you. This was well done and brilliant! Ya'll gotta watch this.

http://www.jokebanana.com/2007/06/oceans_11yearolds.php

Live Free Or Die Hard

2007-06-28T12:56:00.000-05:00

So I don't know how any of you feel about the new Die Hard movie. I for one expected a steaming pile of shit, what with the constant script rewrites, the casting of the annoying Justin Long, and the heinous PG-13 rating. But it was a Die Hard movie, so I had to go see it.

And you know what? It ROCKED. I was completely surprised. Willis can still bring McCLane jumping out of the screen with his cocky humor and badass nature. And Justin Long really wasn't that bad. I normally can't stand him because he always plays the SAME exact character in every movie, and his character in this had a bit of that feel, but was offset just enough and countered by McClane's badassery that it didn't bother me.

To rank it alongside the other Die Hards, I would put them in this order:

Die Hard
Die Hard With A Vengeance
Live Free Or Die Hard
Die Harder

So in other words, go see it.

Creepy Cellphone Activity

2007-06-25T22:07:00.000-05:00

I'd go insane if this shit happened to me!

305

2007-06-25T13:20:00.000-05:00

300 meets The Office.

HE'S BACK!

2007-06-24T17:37:00.000-05:00

HE'S BACK!!!!...(First picture published from the set)

100 foot deep lake disapears

2007-06-23T00:21:00.000-05:00

--A Few Comments--
1. How does a 100 foot deep lake disappear in the first place?
2. This didn't happen over a hundred years or so, the lake was there in March and is now gone....so why isn't this headline news?
3. This is scary shit!

Legends of the Hidden G-Spot

2007-06-19T11:33:00.001-05:00

Anyone who enjoyed Legends of the Hidden Temple will get a kick out of this.

DONE!!!

2007-06-14T18:21:00.001-05:00

Well I'm finally done at University Cinemas, after nearly four years. I could not be happier.

Well, I would be happier if my car was working and I had another job lined up, cuz right now I'm pretty broke.

So if anybody wants to celebrate my escape from Hell with say, gifts of food, booze, or money, feel free to drop me a line!

Goin Old School

2007-06-11T19:39:00.001-05:00

Saw this while surfing the web and couldn't help but laugh..

Top 10 ways to tell a male friend his fly is unzipped

2007-06-10T20:37:00.001-05:00

clipped from wulfweard.blog.co.uk

The cucumber has left the salad.

Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

Paging Mr. Johnson... Mr. Johnson.

Elvis has left the building.

The Buick is not all the way in the garage

Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

Men may be From Mars .. but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary".

Utter Incompetence

2007-06-03T01:12:00.000-05:00

So after seeing that a complete and utter moron that was fired from the theater several years ago for his stupidity was rehired this weekend, I decided I've finally had enough co-worker stupidity and turned in my two weeks notice.

The inherent problem being that I don't have a new job lined up yet; I'm just on Manpower's call list for any jobs they have come their way. I started to wonder if I was making the right decision, but my co-workers, god bless them, helped me to remember why I'm quitting.

I came downstairs to four fellow employees denying patrons tickets and food, because the computers stopped working and they couldn't find a manager. Apparently they all thought it was completely and utterly impossible to sell items without electronics, even though the process of handing someone money for a product has been done for CENTURIES before electronics.

So I tell the box office person to take the cash manually and write down what movies he sells for and how many tickets for each movie. Thank God it made sense to him. Because when I told the kids in concessions to sell things and write down what they sell and all that crap, it was like I told the girl the world doesn't exist.

"We can't possibly do that! We don't know how much all the items cost after you add tax to them!"

"How long have you worked here?" I ask.

"Over a year."

"And in all that time, with as much as you have to constantly ring up items back here, you can't fucking remember ANY of the prices of things that you tell customers about, oh, 500 times a day?"

"What am I supposed to do, memorize all the prices?"

"Well it's just that anybody with half a fucking brain would at least remember SOME of the prices, and if you look up, you can see the pre-tax prices on the board, so even if you fucking GUESS the price, you aren't going to be that far off if you aren't a complete moron. Just write down what you sell, either guess the price or ask me because I know most of them, take the money, give them the change, and presto, you're done."

"Yeah, but what if they order more than one thing? How the hell am I supposed to figure that out?"

"Oh my God, are you fucking kidding me?! It's called addition, for fucks sake. You add the prices of each item together."

So after that, she finally grabs paper and a pen and takes this girl's order, who just wants a large soda. She looks at me and I tell her its $4.03. The customer gives her a five dollar bill. She looks all over for a calculator and can't find one.

"There's no calculator."

"If you honestly can't figure out that 3rd grade level math equation in your head, do the fucking math on the paper, because I'm not going to tell you."

After staring at the screen for awhile, she asks the customer if she can give her $5.03 so she can just give her a dollar back.

MY. FUCKING. GOD.

Oh yeah, and once the computers started working again, she asked what she was supposed to do. Is "Type in everything you wrote down that you sold and hit exact change" that hard to figure out on your own? And the fucking dipshit didn't even write anything that she sold down, even though she had a pen in her hand literally the whole time and a sheet of paper in front of her.

I assumed she did this because she only had two sales (a large drink and a couples combo) and it would be easy to remember that since the computers came back on literally less than two minutes after she made the sales. But apparently that's just too fucking long to ask a person to remember two fucking items.

I can't wait to get out of there. I haven't decided if I'm going to do a quote from the movie Network on my last day and just wait until someone pisses me off so I can jump up on the counter, tear my uniform off and scream, "I'm mad as Hell, and I'm NOT going to take this anymore!!!" Before I storm out the door, or go with the classic Half-Baked quitting style of pointing to each individual person, "Fuck YOU, fuck YOU, fuck YOU, YOU'RE cool, and fuck YOU, I'm OUT!"

Any votes or other movie quote suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Joke of the Day

2007-06-02T13:11:00.001-05:00

clipped from wulfweard.blog.co.uk

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

MLB PLAYER STEALS HOME!!!

2007-05-31T11:41:00.000-05:00

Well here's something you don't see everyday!

I got chills ... pretty much because it makes me think of the best scene in that amazing movie, the Sandlot ... u know at the end.

"Benny, 'the Jet' Rodridguez on third. They say the Jet's lost a step or two, but I wouldn't be surprised to see some fireworks here today folks. OH MY, THE JET'S GOT A KILLER LEAD OFF THIRD. AND HE'S STEALING HOME, THEY DON'T SEE HIM I DON'T BELIEVE IT, THEY DON'T SEE HIM I DON'T BELIEVE IT ...

AND HE'S SAFE!!! THE JET STOLE HOME ... THE JET STOLE HOME!"

Come on, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about! Anyway enjoy this clip from yesterday's baseball action.

MLB_Aaron Hill stole home

One day I hope cooler heads prevail...

2007-05-30T16:27:00.001-05:00

I absolutely hate any type of sexual crimes, and those that happen to children are so heinous I can not begin to describe the cruel punishments I believe some people should be subject to. BUT I CAN'T STAND THE VERY IDEA OF THIS LAW. It's just ... it's obscene and I can't believe it.

Any thoughts?

clipped from news.yahoo.com

Proposals to execute pedophiles make headway in US

WASHINGTON (AFP) - The idea of executing child rapists, even when there in no loss of life, is making headway in the United States.

The Louisiana Supreme Court last week upheld the death sentence for a pedophile, and the governor of Texas is soon to sign into law legislation to that effect.

The idea seems to go against the grain in the rest of the country, where the death penalty is losing ground because of grave judicial errors and botched executions.

Organizations defending the rights of crime victims have differing views on the proposals.

"We are very concerned that this may reduce reporting of sexual assault, since most child abuse is made by someone close to the child," said Karen Rugaard, a spokeswoman for the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault.

"We are worried that legislators did nothing to help prevent the violence," Rugaard added, expressing regret that the draft law does not call for any preventive measures.

Surface

2007-05-30T15:17:00.000-05:00

This is the newest product Microsoft is releasing to the market. It's the closest thing to Star Trek I've ever seen, and probably even better! I highly encourage you to check it out.

Chuck Norris who?

2007-05-30T12:29:00.001-05:00

I call dibs on this guy the next time we pick teams FOR ANYTHING!

clipped from cnews.canoe.ca

Amputee uses crutch to fight off man with gun

AURORA, Colo. (AP) - An amputee who discovered a burglar inside his home was shot while fighting him off with a crutch.

Roger Baxter survived the Tuesday incident after a cell phone apparently slowed a bullet to his chest.

"I just got it programmed," Baxter said of the phone.

Baxter lost his right leg after being hit by a tractor-trailer in October. He was returning from getting a haircut when he discovered the man with a gun inside his house.

"He was pointing it at me," Baxter told KDVR-TV. "He kept coming toward me and he got within 5 foot of me and that's when I hauled off and hit him with one of my crutches."

Aurora police spokesman Robert Friel said Baxter was wounded in the upper torso after the bullet hit the phone.

"It's not my time," said Baxter, a Vietnam veteran. "I went head to head against a semi back in October and today I went up against a 9 mm and I'm here. I'm just a tough old bird."

Ohio botches another execution

2007-05-29T10:12:00.001-05:00

One more reason why I'm pretty anti-death penalty!

clipped from j-walkblog.com

Execution news: Ohio lethal injection takes 2 hours, 10 tries.

Death penalty opponents called on the state to halt executions after prison staff struggled to find suitable veins on a condemned man's arm to deliver the lethal chemicals.

The execution team stuck Christopher Newton at least 10 times with needles Thursday to insert the shunts where the chemicals are injected. He died at 11:53 a.m., nearly two hours after the scheduled start of his execution at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility. The process typically takes about 20 minutes.

"What is clear from today's botched execution is that the state doesn't know how to execute people without torturing them to death," American Civil Liberties Union of Ohio attorney Carrie Davis said Thursday.

"Having one botched execution is too many; that Ohio has now had two botched executions in as many years is intolerable."

The photo shows Newton during a happier time in his life.

Lego Mos Eisley Spaceport

2007-05-26T13:59:00.001-05:00

This is way badass

clipped from www.neatorama.com

Flickr user Bluemoose uploaded photos of this awesome model of Mos Eisley (a space port from the planet Tatooine from Star Wars) made from LEGO blocks, from the Leicester LEGO Fest in 2007.

Here are more LEGO creations based on the Star Wars universe: Link

Forget MILFs, now it's all about CILFs

2007-05-25T14:56:00.001-05:00

WARNING: NAUGHTY LANGUAGE

Okay, someone had to say it. I'm just glad this guy stepped up to the plate. And hilarity ensues...

C.I.L.F. (Cartoons I'd Like to F***)

So I got that going for me, which is nice...

2007-05-25T14:37:00.000-05:00

Carl Spackler on the Dali Lama

Train kills man trying to kill gf

2007-05-25T14:23:00.001-05:00

The definition of cosmic justice:

clipped from www.abcnews.go.com

Man trying to kill girlfriend by parking on tracks dies when car flips onto him; woman lives.

A man trying to kill his girlfriend by stopping a car in front of an approaching train was himself killed Monday when the train hit the vehicle and launched it into him as he tried to flee, police said.

The man drove the car in front of a group of other vehicles stopped at a railroad crossing in the San Fernando Valley neighborhood of Sunland, Officer Mike Lopez said.

The driver, who was seen arguing with his girlfriend, parked the car on the tracks and jumped out, leaving her behind, Lopez said.

A northbound commuter train hit the rear of the car, hurling it into the man. The girlfriend was taken to the hospital, where she was in stable condition, Lopez said.

"She gets hit by a train and lives. He gets hit by his own car and he dies," Lopez said.

2007-05-23T11:50:00.001-05:00

Flow-Ree-Dah

2007-05-22T21:58:00.001-05:00

We'll gang, I'm gonna be in Florida until next wednesday with my beautiful girlfriend. I'll let you all know how the trip went when I get back! Peace out, douche nozzles!

20 things I learned from the internet (hilarious)

2007-05-22T17:04:00.001-05:00

clipped from acrosstheboard.blogspot.com

20 Things I Learned From The Internet:

You want it, you can find it online.

If you don't want it, you can also find it online.

Everyone has a website. Grandfathers, mothers and babies. Everyone.

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

The Internet is the geeks playground. Here, we rule.

Not that you would ever need to know the dietary habits of the South American anteater, but it's comforting to know you could find it online if you did.

When in doubt, Wikipedia.

Explaining the Internet to someone who's never been online, is like explaining the Magna Carta to your cat.

Almost everything of substance can be summed up with a “DUDE! Check this out!' and a hyperlink.

There is no such thing as 'sufficient bandwidth'.

There's always something new.

You can never go back once you've tried it. via

Heroes

2007-05-22T02:29:00.000-05:00

Honestly, how much more badass can a show get???

Say what?!?

2007-05-21T12:34:00.000-05:00

Some more goodness from the blog Overheard everywhere.

Mom to girls at bar: You two are so cute. [To daughter's friend] So, do you swing both ways?
Friend: Uhhh...
Daughter: Just ignore my mother. She's really drunk and thinks I need a date.
Mom: I'm just trying. Do you think I don't care about you?

Female classics major: My advisers are all men, and the youngest is, like, 45. And my thesis is on desire. It's like, I don't know what a male orgasm feels like. I don't even know what a female orgasm feels like!

Man at airport: I'm gonna go hug that kid. Maybe then his mom will start keeping an eye on him.

Singing teen: If you find yourself in a situation where you're gonna have sex with a leopard, don't, because it's gross.

Today's "Thank God I'm not that guy" story

2007-05-21T00:52:00.001-05:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE LET IT LIVE! IT ATTACKED HIM!!! AND IT HISSED!!!! SPIDERS DON'T HISS!!!!

clipped from arbroath.blogspot.com

Poisonous, hissing spider attacks man and cat

A terrified man told yesterday how a poisonous, hissing spider attacked him and his cat in his kitchen.

It reared up on its hind legs and charged at James Hoskins' bare feet when he disturbed it under a broom.

Shop worker James, 27, of Bideford, Devon, leaped on to a unit, but the vicious beast, possibly a false black widow, attacked his cat Bernie, biting his paw.

James said: "I've never seen a spider like it. It was so aggressive and even hissed when it ran at me.

After the stand-off I caught it in a cup, and let it go in a hedge."

posted by arbroath at 10:17 AM

Work just gets more bizarre

2007-05-21T00:14:00.000-05:00

I can now say that I have had a pair of pants thrown at me while working; how many of you can make such a claim?

I am unsure as to what he was actually wearing after he flung his stained pants at me, because I was too busy mocking him for trying to act like a hardass, and also completely bewildered by what happened.

The upside: I couldn't stop laughing, he missed me, and I took the money that he left in the pants!

HIZZAH!

By the way

2007-05-20T23:26:00.000-05:00

This is our 500th post.

New Transformers TV spot

2007-05-17T12:17:00.000-05:00

One more reason why Transformers is gonna be amazing!

Transformers Movie TV Spot

Returning from a land far far away

2007-05-17T12:14:00.000-05:00

I have returned from my travels to the far off Kingdom of Las Vegas in the land of Nevada. It was a thrilling trip and I will be posting more about my travels, including pictures of course, but until then I shall return to my regularly scheduled blogging duties. Enjoy the plethora of posts coming your way!

HAPPY BELATED MOTHER'S DAY!!!

2007-05-14T02:27:00.001-05:00

clipped from icanhascheezburger.com

Workers rescued from giant vat of fish feces

2007-05-12T15:56:00.000-05:00

This would be a terrible way to die.

Don't forget the stew!!!

2007-05-11T21:45:00.001-05:00

clipped from arbroath.blogspot.com

Rescue team saves woman, dog and stew

A rescue team navigated flooded farmland in a boat to save a 70-year-old woman and her dog from rising floodwaters and made another critical rescue - a pot of stew from the woman's stove.

Geneva Taptto frantically began calling for help Wednesday when she realized her rural home near Walters was surrounded by floodwaters.

Local sheriff's deputies and the Oklahoma Highway Patrol's lake division sent a rescue boat to save the woman and her dog.

"They couldn't get the boat to the house. They had to wade in water to get me and the dog," Taptto said. "They even brought the stew. I worked all morning on that stew."

posted by arbroath at 9:57 AM

I wonder if she offered them any!

Apparently Freud was right

2007-05-10T20:16:00.000-05:00

Meet the latest craze in Pole Vaulting

2007-05-10T18:18:00.001-05:00

clipped from www.withleather.com

meet pole vaulter Allison Stokke (pronounced "stow-key," I believe). Hubba hubba and other grunting sounds.

Why is this particular head of steam frightening, you ask? Well, as best as I can tell from my rudimentary Internet sleuthing, Allison turned 18 less than two months ago, and she's still a senior at Newport Harbor, which last time I checked -- and I check often -- is a high school.

Oh, and there's also this: Miss Stokke is one of the best young pole vaulters in the country. She set the U.S. record for a freshman girl at 12'8", and her present personal best is a couple inches off the best high school girls mark.

Rules to live life by: When to do the dishes

2007-05-10T14:07:00.000-05:00

RULES TO LIVE LIFE BY: #74

Do the dishes more than once a month.

The more people that use the dishes, the more frequently you should wash them.

This message was brought to you by Jim and his three roommates who learned this lesson the hard way. If we don't come back alive, don't send a search party into our kitchen after us. They will only meet their impending doom. Tell our families we love them ... Godspeed. :)

This is freakin' pimp!

2007-05-10T12:31:00.001-05:00

clipped from crunchgear.com

Ahoy, fellow apartment dwellers. If you’re like me, your apartment, even if roomy, could use more space. I mean, when you’re paying out the rear for a 2 bedroom, where are you going to put your ping pong table? You could just play Wii tennis, but seriously, real ping pong is the way to go.

If you’ve got a doorway, you can now have ping pong. This table — net and all — doubles as a door. It swings open like any standard door, but then rotates forward and back, making a playing surface. It’s sort of a sporty take on the Murphy bed.

And there’s no reason it has to be confined to table tennis. Indeed, in the future, we see air hockey doors, salad bar doors, baby-changing-station doors, operating table doors, even doors that resurrect Axl Rose’s career. Ok, that last one was a joke.

Ping Pong Door [Tekenstein]

More shittin' on the disabled

2007-05-10T12:05:00.001-05:00

clipped from arbroath.blogspot.com

Police book wheelchair driver

Spanish police pulled over a man in a electric wheelchair who was riding along on a expressway after he got lost while looking for a brothel.

The 42-year-old man, who is tetraplegic, drove the specially-designed wheelchair which keeps him in a stretched position with the use of his chin and mouth, regional newspaper El Ideal Callego reported.

He was stopped by police while travelling “at considerable speed” overnight on Friday on the highway linking Ferrol with As Pontes in the northwestern Spanish region of Galicia.

A policewoman in the town of Naron in Galicia said the man was not driving at excessive velocity “but he nonetheless posed an obvious danger to traffic and to himself”.

So what did they book him for? Was he breaking any laws?

New Blog

2007-05-09T10:17:00.000-05:00

I'd like to introduce to ya'll my new blog, Rules to Live By. Click on the title of this post for the link, or just use this: www.briansrules.blogspot.com. It's a blog kinda related to Knights, but a little more serious in nature some of the time, and a few othermiscellaneous topics i'll probably hit on somewhat frequently. Head on over and let me know whay ya'll think of it.

One amazing prank

2007-05-08T12:19:00.001-05:00

clipped from acrosstheboard.blogspot.com

Washington wasn't the first President?!

2007-05-08T12:13:00.001-05:00

Here are some interesting tid-bits I myself never knew and thought you might enjoy! i just pulled out my favorites! Click on the link for the others

The 20 Greatest Historical Myths —

It is said that those who don't know history are condemned to repeat it - and as any history buff can tell you, much of history is something you would NOT want to repeat. However, many well-known historical "facts" are myths, with no basis in fact. Here (and in the next few segments) are 20 of the most common, which have misled and misinformed people for years, decades, or centuries.

20. Eve ate a bad apple

An apple a day might keep the doctor away, but they have still had bad publicity as the "forbidden fruit" that Eve tasted in the Garden of Eden, thereby making life difficult for all of us. Yet nowhere in the biblical story of Adam and Eve is an apple mentioned. It is simply called "the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden" (Genesis 3:3). OK, it COULD have been an apple, but it might just as well have been an apricot, a mango, or any other sort of fruit.

18. Walt Disney drew Mickey Mouse

One of the world's most famous fictitious characters, Mickey Mouse, is credited to Walt Disney. However, Mickey was the vision of Disney's number one animator, Ub Iwerks. Disney, never a great artist, would always have trouble drawing the character who made him famous. Fortunately for him, Iwerks was known as the fastest animator in the business. He single-handedly animated Mickey's first short film, Plane Crazy (1928), in only two weeks. (That's 700 drawings a day.) But give some credit to Disney - when sound films began later that year, he played Mickey's voice.

15. Van Gogh sliced off his ear

Van Gogh is known as the archetypal starving artist, only selling one painting in his lifetime, and - in a quarrel with Gauguin - slicing off his ear, not long before committing suicide. Though he did face a tragic end, and his own paintings sold poorly, it is worth noting that he spent most of his life teaching and dealing art. He only spent eight years of his life painting, which helps to explain why he didn't starve to death. Also, he didn't slice off his entire ear, just a portion of his left lobe. Painful, but not nearly as bad as you might have thought.

14. Witches were burned at stake in Salem

The Salem (Massachusetts) witch trials of 1692 led to the arrests of 150 people, of whom 31 were tried and 20 were executed. But just as these trials were based on ignorance, there are many misconceptions about them. For starters, the 31 condemned "witches" were not all women. Six of them were men. Also, they were not burned at stake. As any witch-hunter would know, a true witch could never be killed by this method. Hanging was the usual method - though one was crushed to death under heavy stones.

13. Napoleon was a little corporal

Some people believe that Napoleon's domineering ambitions were to compensate for being so physically small. Not so. True, Napoleon was called Le Petit Corporal ("The Little Corporal"), but he was 5 feet, 7 inches tall - taller than the average eighteenth-century Frenchman. So why the nickname? Early in his military career, soldiers used it to mock his relatively low rank. The name stuck, even as he became ruler of France.

11. Walter Raleigh introduced potatoes and tobacco to England

Sir Walter Raleigh - explorer, courtier, privateer - Is one of greatest myth figures ever to come from England. Virtually every reason for his fame is untrue. Was he handsome? According to written accounts, he was no oil painting - though somehow he charmed Queen Elizabeth I, and had a reputation as a ladies' man. Did he lay his cloak across a puddle so that the Queen could step on it? No, that was pure fiction. Most importantly, he didn't return from his visit to the New World (America) with England's first potatoes and tobacco. Though Raleigh is said to have introduced potatoes in 1586, they were first grown in Italy in 1585, and quickly spread throughout Europe (even across the English Channel). Also, though people all over Europe blame Sir Walter for their cigarette addictions, Jean Nicot (for whom nicotine is named) introduced tobacco to France in 1560. Tobacco spread to England from France, not the New World.

10. Magellan circumnavigated the world

Everyone knows two things about Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan. One, he was the first man to circumnavigate the world; and two, during this historic trip, he was killed by natives in the Philippines. Of course, those two things tend to contradict each other. Magellan only made it half-way around the world, leaving it to his second-in-command, Juan Sebastian Elcano, to complete the circumnavigation.

7. Shakespeare wrote the story of Hamlet

William Shakespeare is generally known as the greatest playwright who ever lived, even though most of his plays were not original, but adaptations of earlier stories. "The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark" (1603), probably his most famous play, was based on an ancient Scandinavian story. But while it might not have been the original version of the story, we can safely assume it was the best.

5. Edison invented the electric light

Thomas Edison is known as the world's greatest inventor. His record output - 1,093 patents - still amazes us, over a century later. Astonishing, except for one thing: he didn't invent most of them. Most Edison inventions were the work of his unsung technicians - and his most famous invention, the electric light, didn't even belong to his laboratory. Four decades before Edison was born, English scientist Sir Humphry Davy invented arc lighting (using a carbon filament). For many years, numerous innovators would improve on Davy's model. The only problem: none could glow for more than twelve hours before the filament broke. The achievement of Edison's lab was to find the right filament that would burn for days on end. A major achievement, but not the first.

4. Columbus proved that the Earth was round

It was American author Washington Irving, some 500 years after Columbus sailed to America, who first portrayed the Italian explorer as launching on his voyage to prove that the Earth was round, defying the common, flat-earther belief of the time. In fact, most educated Europeans in Columbus's day knew that the world was round. Since the fourth century BC, almost nobody has believed that the Earth is flat. Even if that wasn't the case, Columbus would never have set out to prove that the Earth was round... simply because he didn't believe it himself! Columbus thought that the Earth was pear-shaped. He set sail to prove something else: that Asia was much closer than anyone thought. Even in this, he was wrong. To further besmirch his memory, it should also be noted that he never set foot on mainland America. The closest he came was the Bahamas. Pear-shaped, indeed!

1. George Washington was America's first President

Everyone "knows" that Washington was the first of the (so far) 43 Presidents of the US. However, this isn't strictly the case. During the American Revolution, the Continental Congress (or the 'United States in Congress Assembled') chose Peyton Randolph as the first President. Under Randolph, one of their first moves was to create the Continental Army (in defence against Britain), appointing General Washington as its commander. Randolph was succeeded in 1781 by John Hancock, who presided over independence from Great Britain (see myth #6). After Washington defeated the British at the Battle of Yorktown, Hancock sent him a note of congratulations. Washington's reply was addressed to "The President of the United States". Eight years later, as a revered war hero, Washington himself became America's first popularly elected President - but strictly speaking, the FIFTEENTH President!

Well I'm glad this sign was here to warn me...

2007-05-07T22:17:00.001-05:00

clipped from eatliver.com

Classic Music Video: Ghostbusters

2007-05-07T13:09:00.000-05:00

You may fall to the ground and begin kissing my feet at any time. :)

Were you checking her out?

2007-05-07T13:06:00.000-05:00

HILARIOUS!